Categories
Uncategorized

Online Dating for Christian Singles

When I was in my early 20s, I was told by my church leaders in a small group that, most of us would end up marrying someone in our immediate social circle.

I looked around the room, and figured my prospect was not in my beloved church community.

That was when I decided to join CM, a widely advertised dating site for Christians at the time. I didn’t actually end up meeting anybody from the site. Then I tried eHarmony, Match, Christian Dating for Free, Crosspath, Hinge, oh I was on Facebook Dating for a short period of time too.

Guarding your heart

Proverbs 4:23 Above all else, guard your heart,
    for everything you do flows from it. (NIV)

And how does one do that in dating? In hindsight, I think it involves c0nstant self reflection and conversing with the Holy Spirit, God about our decisions, and state of heart/mind.

I once joined a dating site Match. Quickly on the app, my inbox was filled with likes. There was a gentleman who greeted me quickly after I joined that evening. I was not planning on paying for the subscription! However his profile indicated that his faith in Christ was important.

From some of the reviews I read online, I remember there were mentions of the site having scammers, and fake profiles.

I proceeded with caution. As I conversed with this gentleman, I found him to be a high value potential.

However, some things raised red flags (you can let me know in comments if these are considered red flags to you):

  1. He would often message back past 12AM or shortly before.
  2. We messaged for over 1 month and he did not invite me to meet in person even though we lived only about 1 hour apart.

I suggested to meet in person, and shortly before that his messages dwindled down. Driven by frustration and insecurity, I jumped to the conclusion that he did not take enough interest in me to actually meet. I closed the door. He did not text back.

A couple months passed, I never met any good prospect like him any more. I started pondering maybe he indeed was not a fake profile. I texted to reach out again and no response. He never responded.

To tell you something funny, God absolutely has a sense of humour.

A few years later, I saw him in a new friend’s Facebook photos. Well, him and his girlfriend (now wife!) at the time. So I know he was real and my decisive elimination ended that potential relationship at the time.

God transcends time. Yes, he can absolutely and he would have fixed it if it would have been his kingdom purpose. But on this side of heaven, that is part of the mystery which does not belong to us. I write this not to reminisce what and who could have been, but to tell you, fake profiles, scammers, cancel culture, being ghosted can definitely blur our vision and distort our judgments as well as standards.

So be ware, as we stay cautious we also need to be aware of the state of our hearts. This lesson was learned, I took from it not to make rash decisions or say hurtful things I will regret later. I share this hoping you would learn something from it too.

Be as wise as serpents, harmless as doves. Guard our heart, from potential wounds by careless passersby but also from fear, insecurity, impatience, Hollywood standards for husbands, unrealistic standards…. basically anything that’s not of God. For these things can be stumbling blocks when we make critical decisions in dating, and online dating. Especially online dating, because there is so much unknown in the other person, we tend to fill in the blanks for them based on limited early interactions…..

There are good men out there on Christian dating apps, Christian dating sites. They are not everywhere, but they do exist! I saw that God in His merciful loving kindness really protects those who seek Him. Often times, there is divine protection that comes in rejection from people with seemingly high quality profiles.

Categories
Prayers

Prayers for a Single Christian – by Loriel D

Dear God,

You know the desires of my heart and you said in your word that it is not good for men to be alone. I desire to be with someone. I desire to love and be loved. To build an amazing partnership that will help me grow but most importantly will help me fulfill your will in my life and give you glory.


This desire has been in my heart for so long and out of impatience, I have stumbled and fall. But you have never abandoned me and never gave up on me. Your loving arms always welcomes me back and reminds me that I am yours first before anyone else. You will only share me with someone that also belongs to you and is deserving of your child.

Thank you for your faithfulness and thank you for the assurance that no matter where I am in life, I can be full of Hope and Joy because you are with me. Thank you that you will be with me in this journey and I can be full of positive expectation of the future you have for me.
I love you Lord, You are my first love and I am yours forever.

In Jesus’s Name,

Amen

Categories
Blog - Love stories in the Bible

What If?

Ever since I was a little girl, I have been writing my love stories. If I am honest I would say TV shows, novels, social media have heavily influenced the way I perceive dating and how I navigate dating.

Growing up, I have loved reading books except maybe for textbooks. It is funny now as a woman in her early 30s I am in love with the best textbook, life manual, self-help book … the bible.

I thought it would be refreshing to examine the love stories in the Bible.

Chapter 24 of Genesis records the spouse-seeking process for Isaac. Abraham commissioned his servant to find a wife for his son Isaac. His requested that the servant would not bring a Canaanite woman, knowing that Canaanites are wicked.

The servant asked, “But what if I can’t find a young woman who is willing to travel so far from home? Should I then take your relatives in the land you came from?”  

It reminds me of the questions I and likely many other Christian singles have been asked. “What if you can’t find a Christian man? What if you miss the opportunity to date/meet someone as you invest so much time into serving in ministries? What if you end up dying single? What if…?” Sometimes we may be the ones asking ourselves the “what if” questions.

How are you handling these “what if” questions?

I used to be stirred emotionally and my faith shaken a bit. These internal emotions/responses often led me to go for dates that were not my first choice. These “what ifs” triggered my “Should I date someone even if there is something noticeably wrong just so I have someone?”, “should I maybe date a non-believer but has a lot of potential to fall in love with Jesus?”

I rushed to go on dates and half-listened to God while making these decisions. The 27-year old me was sitting in my date’s car which then got in to a car accident. A few years after that, a “potential” engaged in an ongoing conversation with me. The conversation only lasted for one week and he turned out to be a scammer on a Christian online dating App. Both of these situations were fully preventable, if I did not let the pressure of these “what if” questions get to me.

Abraham’s response to the servant’s question was full of faith. I see that he planned according to God’s promise “be careful never to take my son there. For the Lord, the God of heaven, who took me from my father’s house and my native land, solemnly promised to give this land to my descendants. He will send his angel ahead of you, and he will see to it that you find a wife there for my son. If she is unwilling to come back with you, then you are free from this oath of mine. But under no circumstances are you to take my son there. (Genesis 24:7-8)”

Spoiler alert. The servant ended up finding a wife for Isaac.

One thing I learned is to answer those “what ifs” or doubts with God’s promise.

What is your response to those “what ifs” directed to you? I will go first,  “even if I end up being single”, I know:

God alone is my refuge, my place of safety; He is my God, and I trust Him. For He will rescue me from every trap and protect me from deadly disease. He will cover me with His feathers. He will shelter me with His wings. His faithful promises are my armor and protection.  (Psalm 91:2-4)

God’s promise revives me; it comforts me in all my troubles (Psalm 119: 50).

And so many more….

Let us recount God’s promises together.

What promises of God’s do you hold on to?

Categories
About

Hope in Singleness

Hi there,

I am Lydia Zee, and I welcome you into this space where I pray that you may find rest, hope and even restoration.

Who does not want to find love? Singleness is not the easiest season to navigate in this crazy world we live in. Here are some of my thoughts and lessons.