When I was in my early 20s, I was told by my church leaders in a small group that, most of us would end up marrying someone in our immediate social circle.
I looked around the room, and figured my prospect was not in my beloved church community.
That was when I decided to join CM, a widely advertised dating site for Christians at the time. I didn’t actually end up meeting anybody from the site. Then I tried eHarmony, Match, Christian Dating for Free, Crosspath, Hinge, oh I was on Facebook Dating for a short period of time too.
Guarding your heart
Proverbs 4:23 Above all else, guard your heart,
for everything you do flows from it. (NIV)
And how does one do that in dating? In hindsight, I think it involves c0nstant self reflection and conversing with the Holy Spirit, God about our decisions, and state of heart/mind.
I once joined a dating site Match. Quickly on the app, my inbox was filled with likes. There was a gentleman who greeted me quickly after I joined that evening. I was not planning on paying for the subscription! However his profile indicated that his faith in Christ was important.
From some of the reviews I read online, I remember there were mentions of the site having scammers, and fake profiles.
I proceeded with caution. As I conversed with this gentleman, I found him to be a high value potential.
However, some things raised red flags (you can let me know in comments if these are considered red flags to you):
- He would often message back past 12AM or shortly before.
- We messaged for over 1 month and he did not invite me to meet in person even though we lived only about 1 hour apart.
I suggested to meet in person, and shortly before that his messages dwindled down. Driven by frustration and insecurity, I jumped to the conclusion that he did not take enough interest in me to actually meet. I closed the door. He did not text back.
A couple months passed, I never met any good prospect like him any more. I started pondering maybe he indeed was not a fake profile. I texted to reach out again and no response. He never responded.
To tell you something funny, God absolutely has a sense of humour.
A few years later, I saw him in a new friend’s Facebook photos. Well, him and his girlfriend (now wife!) at the time. So I know he was real and my decisive elimination ended that potential relationship at the time.
God transcends time. Yes, he can absolutely and he would have fixed it if it would have been his kingdom purpose. But on this side of heaven, that is part of the mystery which does not belong to us. I write this not to reminisce what and who could have been, but to tell you, fake profiles, scammers, cancel culture, being ghosted can definitely blur our vision and distort our judgments as well as standards.
So be ware, as we stay cautious we also need to be aware of the state of our hearts. This lesson was learned, I took from it not to make rash decisions or say hurtful things I will regret later. I share this hoping you would learn something from it too.
Be as wise as serpents, harmless as doves. Guard our heart, from potential wounds by careless passersby but also from fear, insecurity, impatience, Hollywood standards for husbands, unrealistic standards…. basically anything that’s not of God. For these things can be stumbling blocks when we make critical decisions in dating, and online dating. Especially online dating, because there is so much unknown in the other person, we tend to fill in the blanks for them based on limited early interactions…..
There are good men out there on Christian dating apps, Christian dating sites. They are not everywhere, but they do exist! I saw that God in His merciful loving kindness really protects those who seek Him. Often times, there is divine protection that comes in rejection from people with seemingly high quality profiles.